Only Replacements
by DreamALltHopeALlt
Summary: Ivan and Arthur both loved him at least once in their lives - and found it hard to let go. They thought that if they fell in love with each other, it would fill the void... But they were only replacements.


It was a beautiful candle lit dinner - in a room filled with the broken petals of sunflowers and the warped bantering of love songs - and a game of hide and seek - the hiding a desperate sprint of escape, the seeking a desperate sprint of desire. It was a little consolation from both sides - rejected and crushed by the one they sought out - and a little nuclear war in the very room they shared, the very bed they laid on, the air they breathed. It was trying to forget and trying to move on, and wishing for something other then those achingly familiar blue eyes of innocence and oblivion - of pure determination and naviety - and the twisted memories that wouldn't fade away. It was the whisper of those three words - even if the eyes that said them were full of hateful tears - and the promise of forgetting - the promise of warmth and caress in the lonely darkness of night, when not a soul cared whether they lived or died, behind the closed doors. It was masochistic rape - cries of pain and aversion piercing through the air - and then the silent consensus - both willing to try and accept, to forgive and forget, to leave behind what was once and move onto what is now.

_But they were only replacements._

xxx

The one in green, with eyes such a vivid emerald, tried to erase the past and shake lose the undesirable hold it had on him. The one in gray, his eyes a vibrant amethyst, tried to ignore the coldness he felt now that the sweet ambiance of sunlight and sunflowers had dissipated from his life.

_He thought of him centuries before in childhood, as a boy running freely in the wide expanses and fields of England, a beautiful soul without the worries of the world weighing him down._ He thought of him decades ago in adulthood, as a man crazed with power and desiring more, with eyes steely from hatred, uttering those words and raging a hot, cold war with him. _He thought of him as the empty person wearily standing in the rain, wearing something that wasn't his, talking words vaguely reminiscent of his, and using a weapon aimed directly at something in him. _He thought of him as the caring and careless person happily mocking him, as their hatred morphed into friendship, to a growing and steady love, and then - once again - enemies.

_And how _they wished _it was him. _Only him.

If he was standing with them - laughing and smiling that cheerful, overzealous smile - if he was the one who remained by their side - constant and loud in their ears - if he could indulge upon them his radiance and light - his single presence and attention - if he could so much as be the one who was there for them - and only them,

Then it would be fine.

If it was him, then the world would be the most perfect, circular planet in the world. The sun would be the most perfect, largest white star in the solar system. The galaxy would be the largest, most expansive galaxy in the entire universe and cosmos.

But it wasn't him - and nothing was perfect.

They collided brutally. They slowly invited each other in. They pushed back the haunting memories of him. But always, they thought, _This person has been with him. Must know, must have shared something with him. This person...will fill my void._

xxx

The candle lit dinner was cold, cast in shadows, with the old house darken in rage and pain - as though sighing with its master's every heart beat - and the low melody in the background echoed around the forever-empty and large corridors. They ate in silence, staring down at the object in front of them and thinking nothing but of _its _taste - his favorite - and then feeling it in their mouth as they chewed and savored every memory of the touch of his lips against theirs.

The violet-eyed one suggested their game of hiding and seeking, attempted a playful smile at his partner, but failing to shift the emotion in his eyes into something lighter and more cheerful. He took the role of seeker, and the other one as the hider. But to them - it wasn't a game. _The one in green began a run, outside the stone mansion, and into the wilderness behind it. As he sprinted - blurring hazes of forest swirling around him - he felt the familiar thrill and then disappointment - memories of him again. And when he realized, stopping to pant and gaze at the clearing, that it was not the one he loved after him, there was only pain and numbness left. He closed his eyes and continued on. _And the seeker sprinted with equal speed towards his target - and like his companion, he was numb - but also filled with the anticipation and burning crazed of a wild animal gone mad from hunger. When he came upon the green-eyed Briton - cornered and caught beneath his stare of madness - they were both silent with fear, though each gaze cast back was calm and level with one another.

_This person will fill my void..._

He leaned down upon the smaller man and brought a shaking hand to that clammy cheek. In response - in one quick movement - the face gently pulled into his touch, resting upon its large palm. The act was soft, innocent, and filled with sorrow - he could feel his throat rise up in a scream, his eyes suddenly pricking and stinging, vision blurring and heart hammering. His partner's eyes were now closed, the wetness of tears staining his hand, as he slowly dropped to both knees. Without hesitation, he leaned in and pressed his cold lips against the frowning counterpart - and it tasted so agonizingly sweet and bitter, tempting him with warmth that was not and could never be the same as the _other's_. There was no response as he pulled away - the green eyes opened wide with confusion and sadness, and then, slowly - almost surely - those same lips found his back. The hider pulled the seeker closer to him - until their bodies collided in one devastating touch, until they were entwine within each other, and nothing was seen but the clash of gray and green.

_This person..._

Twin pairs of eyes, both shut tight in pain, heart seeming to beat in singular unison. Tears leaking, falling and pooling around them, echoing their thoughts and every single word they wished to scream out to the star-scattered, night sky:

_This person can never replace him._

_

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_**A/N:** This was originally published on my friend's account **Aiming Right** (I was borrowing it and decided to use it for a second, heh) but I decided to just upload it on here. Inspired by: _Space bound - Eminem_, a really great song and I recommend it to yoos guys.

If anyone is confused by anything in this fanfic, feel free to ask me about it (though I may or may not answer them all directly :3 )

Reviews are welcomed.!


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